Tonight, I felt like drowning. The waves wrapped me up and I knew I was lost. For a short time, at least, I was no longer in my own skin. I was miles away and I felt free and horrified at the same time. I could feel the salt on my skin and my bones cracking. What a weird sensation to be a stranger to yourself. To not know what you are going to do next or where will the roads take you. I’m not Dorothy to follow the yellow path, and i’m pretty sure i’m not Alice who fell down the rabbit hole. It’s just… me. And my infinite Universe.
I bit my lips and tasted the emptiness, while my tears rolled down the cheek. I was a river running quiet, murmuring the enchanted words for the eternal serenity. I could only dream of it, as I wasn’t ready to lift up the weight off my shoulders. I felt weak and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I kept thinking about what ifs. What if I will never fulfill my dreams? Or, what if I’m destined to sink in my own emotions? I have always struggled with self-trust, but in time I managed to believe in myself. The only problem is that pain came back for a short moment this night. My heart was breaking piece by piece and I could do nothing about it. I let it bleed until I got pulled out of the water.
I had to wake myself up from the sorrow and then, the fog started to fade. Life has its ups and downs, right? The thing is, life isn’t perfect, but I want to let my dreams guide me in the realms of beauty. I want to take risks, to live life to the fullest, to do what I love most and to be whoever I want to be. I may not live in a fairytale and I may not be the type of girl everyone desires to meet, but it doesn’t means that I shouldn’t stop myself from dreaming. After all, if we are too afraid to try, how are we going to live?
I am scared, yes, to be honest. But I don’t want to hide behind the shadows. I want to bloom. I want to live my dream.
Now, with a cup of coffee by my side and music playing in the background, a thought is crossing my mind: Who would I be if I would let my dreams to die?
And i’m sure I don’t want to know the answer to that.
(Photo source: Pinterest)